Friday, July 20, 2007

ugly kids

people with ugly kids,

do they know their kids are ugly or are they in denial?

i mean really, if i had an ugly kid, i would never leave the house

but then again, i'm going to burn in hell for this one but, oh well

it had to be said.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

The death of Mr. Common Sense

My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early
in my life and told me I
would do well to call on him when making
decisions. It seems he was always
around in my early years but less and less as
time passed by. Today I read
his obituary. Please join me in a moment of
silence in remembrance, for
Common Sense had served us all so well for so
many generations.

Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old
friend, Common Sense, who has
been with us for many years. No one knows for
sure how old he was since his
birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic
red tape. He will be
remembered as having cultivated such valuable
lessons as knowing when to
come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets
the worm, life isn't
always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial
policies (don't spend more
than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies
(adults, not children are
in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well
intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a six-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate; teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and
a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked
teachers for doing the job
they themselves failed to do in disciplining
their unruly children. It
declined even further when schools were required
to get parental consent to
administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a Bandaid to a
student, but could not
inform the parents when a student became pregnant
and wanted to have an

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten
Commandments became
contraband; churches became businesses; and
criminals received better
treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a
beating when you couldn't
defend yourself from a burglar in your own home
and the burglar can sue you
for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live,
after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot.
She spilled a little in her
lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his
parents, Truth and Trust; his
wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility;
and his son, Reason. He is
survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights,
Someone Else is to Blame,
and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few
realized he was gone. If you
still remember him, pass this on. If not, join
the majority and do nothing.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Trying to get pregnant

what the hell does, we're trying to get pregnant mean?

just do the humpty dance and roll the dice already!

did you ever think about not telling people your personal business

until you're atleast 20 weeks?

we'll still be happy for you but, it would make the element of surprise a bit more

well.................bearable and we might just care.

Her: Ohhhh me and Larry are trying to get pregnant!

Me: *crickets*

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Smacking your teeth

Smacking your teeth when you eat drives me nuts. please stop it now.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Dear arbonne, marykay, tupperware and avon consultants

please do yourselves a favor and go and play in traffic.

if we wanted your products, we would call you.

please! stop sending those LAST chance before the sale is over emails to me.

i have a feeling that i'm on the verge of cussing one of you out real soon.

please save yourself a cussing out and just stop it now.